Random Thoughts/Questions

Jayden's arrival
With only a month or so left before Jayden's big arrival I've had a lot on my mind. Everyone keeps asking if I'm ready, and honestly, yes. I am SO ready. I don't think I realized how ready I was until the scary little adventure a few weeks back. After that day and follow up appointments and procedures I was more ready than ever to have this little guy in my arms. I find it interesting that after caring for so many infants as a nanny for so many years, I find myself asking myself the most simple questions. What about this? How do I do that? How often should I...? I know the answers, but it's almost like I've never done it before. I know caring for my own child will be very different and I'm grateful to have my mother by my side those first few weeks after his arrival.

Speaking of my mumsie, I got a text an hour ago that they were about an hour past Amarillo, TX. Dad(as expected) made her get up before the sun to set out on their journey to come visit us. My baby shower is this weekend and they are coming to stay for a few days. I could not be more thrilled. I really need some family time and I'm so glad they get to share this happy day with me. My auntie who lives in Chandler is also coming up with my uncle, new baby cousin and her other two girls. I'm looking forward to spending all weekend with family. I've always loved and valued family, but moving away has made me treasure any time I get to be with them on a whole new level.

Nesting Mode
My nesting instinct has kicked into overdrive. One of my sweet friends at church came and picked up my changing table and crib to paint for me so I don't have to be out in the heat. That was such a sweet and practical blessing that I very much appreciate. We have the best church family! While waiting for the crib and changing table to be returned painted and ready to go, I have been taking everything out of the baby room that isn't baby related. I've moved book cases, a couch(that is now crammed into our living room-much to my disappointment, but it's a necessary move), misc. office supplies, files, etc. and have successfully found other homes for those things. The baby room is now able to hold all of Jayden's misc. items. My parents will be staying in there this week, and after Saturday's shower they might be drowning in there : ) I've had so much fun hanging out in that room, organizing it, packing Jayden's hospital bag, picking out his take home outfit, and overall playing with his little things. I've kicked deep cleaning up a notch and have gone through an entire box of Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. Those things are literally my favorite household cleaning item. Things that didn't really bother me about our apt. before are seriously annoying now. The biggest of which is the carpet. I HATE carpet. I hate cheap apt. carpet that never looks clean-even if it is. I'm trying to scrape together some money to get the carpets cleaned this next month. I hate the idea of my baby playing on the floor because I hate these carpets. If/when we ever buy a house, I will not have carpet in any of the living areas. *rant over*


Funny baby questions/comments



I will now share some funny baby questions/comments I've received over the last few weeks from our youth group kiddos:
"Does Jayden poop inside of you? Where does it go?"
"Does Jayden know if you're having sex?"
(We just finished a sex series with the HS kids-and it was by far one of the most entertaining/productive series we've ever done. Carlos and I taught it together and for kids who didn't grow up in church/families who know the Lord it was life changing for the kids. We all learned/laughed a lot) : )
"Are you afraid of having to get him out...uhh...that way...?"
"What if he has your giant eyes and Carlos' little head?"
"If you cut the umbilical cord too short will the baby keep bleeding?"
"Jayden is going to know who I am because I kiss your tummy and talk to him!"
"Can you accidentally poke him in the eye if you push on your tummy too hard?"
"My mom never even let me touch her while she was pregnant. It's sooo cool that you let us touch your stomach! It's like, you trust us."-That one almost made me cry.
*Boys touching pregnant stomach for first time*-"WOW!" "SO COOL!" "IT'S HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE!" *Jayden moves* 'I"M SO SORRY!" "DID WE HURT HIM?" "OH, NO! I MUST HAVE POKED HIM IN THE FACE!" Hahaha

This last month has been a real roller coaster of emotions. I know being 8months pregnant isn't exactly conducive to a steady hormone pattern, but a lot has been on my mind.
1) Remembering the day we lost our first baby.
I tried to keep myself busy July 28th, but I can't not think about that day. I will always wonder if that baby was a boy or girl and what they would be like if they hadn't left so soon. I wonder if I'll know the baby when I get to heaven. I wonder why God decided to take him/her before we got to meet him/her. I wonder if that was somehow God's grace in not allowing us to meet him/her. I think about future pregnancies. Will I lose another baby? How is God going to use this situation to bring Himself Glory? What else is He going to teach me about trusting Him and not fearing His plans? How do I respond when people ask me if this is my first? Is it wrong to say yes if I emotionally can't handle saying no at that moment? Is it wrong that I want to severely injure people who say, "at least the baby was still young? That makes it easier..."? I don't know the answers to these questions, but I know God's ways are higher than mine and He is trustworthy.

2)Not working.
~This has been really tough for me mentally and emotionally. For someone who likes to stay busy and interact with people, staying home is hard. I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom, and I still do, but knowing I could be working right now is hard to deal with. I know I'm not supposed to. I really feel like God has been working on me in the area of trusting him to provide for ALL my needs(even the ones I could easily take care of myself if I had a job)...and teaching me how to rest. I'm not good at resting. I can rest my body physically, but I never seem to rest mentally and spiritually. Since January that is something God has been helping me work on. Some days are easier than others, and overall I've come a long way. This last month we've had to start planning out next year's budget with a baby, and I know it would be so much easier on us if I had a job, but I know it's part of God stretching and teaching us. Carlos has never been the sole provider for our family, or the main income. I've always been the one to make the money, and it's been hard for me to switch gears and trust God through trusting Carlos-but it's such an important step for us. I know God will be faithful to provide for all of our NEEDS-He already has throughout this entire pregnancy. My challenge is distinguishing my "wants" from my "needs" and waiting for God's timing for our growing little family. Carlos and I have to make some big decisions in the next couple of months and we would appreciate your prayers for wisdom and guidance.

3)Silly things
~What if my water breaks in the middle of church? Do I flag Carlos off stage during worship? Haha
~How is Tucker going to respond to the baby? Will he be good like he is with all other kids?
~How am I going to carry a baby and all the things that come with babies up and down three flights of stairs?
~I'm the only soon to be mommy at church that is planning on breastfeeding and cloth diapering. Am I going to be the crazy white lady at church? Probably...that's ok...
~What are we going to do without family around a lot? Will our children be close to our family members? This one is really hard for me because I grew up so close to family.
~What is my contractions are too intense to get DOWN the three flights of stairs?
~Will Carlos be able to stay conscious through labor/delivery?
~I'm NOT going to tell the nurses in LD that I'm a Christian...I might not act like one.
~Will I be nice to Carlos during labor? When I'm in pain I usually get really quiet and keep to myself. I hope I don't snap on him. I'm praying for help with this already.
~What are some ways I can keep things special for Carlos when the baby comes? I don't want to be the mom that can't focus on anything but her baby and neglects her husband.
~If my boobs get any bigger will they explode?
~If my boobs get any bigger will they suffocate my baby? LOL-but seriously...this is unreal...
~How does your belly get this big without stretch marks? I'm not prepared to see this skin post baby.
~Is there another Free Willy being made right now? I think I could be a sub in.
~Will my hair ever be curly again?

I guess that's it for now...getting everything out helps me "rest" my mind, so bear with me. I should start getting things ready for my parent's arrival tomorrow. *Squeal!*

Love,

Lyd and baby J

34wks? Yes, no...maybe so?

It is truly humbling and comforting to know that regardless of what people say, think or do, God's plans remain the same. The last week of our lives has been full of twists and turns, but we take comfort in knowing God has never been out of control for even a second of it.

Last Tuesday I went to my OB for a routine appointment. I had been having some contractions, but didn't think anything of them because they were never too close together. They were intense, but not unbearable. I mentioned them to mu OB while she was checking Jayden's heartbeat and the look on her face concerned me. She told me Jayden's heartbeat was significantly lower than usual and his movements(or lack thereof) were concerning to her. Upon further examination, she discovered my cervix was under a lot of pressure and my contractions were more significant than I gave them credit for. According to my symptoms and the amount of pressure on my cervix I could start to dilate and she was surprised I hadn't started to already. She quickly rushed me over to the triage part of the labor and delivery unit to be monitored. My "routine" visit quickly because a little bit scary. I was two days away from the anniversary of losing our first little baby and was having an emotional week as it was. I was not prepared for a scary appointment. I kept praying over baby Jayden and asking God to give me strength to get through the day while trusting in Him and his plans.

The nurses in the labor and delivery unit were amazing! I've come to get to know several of them and they were quick to speak encouraging words, make me laugh and helped me relax through a stressful time. After an hour of monitoring not much had changed. Jayden's heartbeat was still fluctuating from really low to just below normal and my contractions were about the same. There wasn't much they could do so they sent me home and told me to take it easy for a few days until the appointment they scheduled for us with a cardiologist.

The cardiologist appointment was for me and Jayden. We were both monitored and given several different tests. There was an ultrasound done on our both of our hearts and they were normal. The ultrasound tech said the Dr. was running late and asked us if we wanted to see baby J while we were waiting. YES, we do! I haven't seen him for almost 13 weeks and thrilled to get another chance. The tech looked around and showed us all the features, but...his head. We couldn't see his head at all. His head was totally engaged and not visible. The tech asked how far along I was and I told him 33 weeks. He said, "Well, it really looks you might be a good three weeks further along than that." What? "He's a big baby and they don't generally stay in one position this early. He has also turned and come down fully into position. He's not likely going anywhere now. I suggest you consult your OB because of his size." Well, needless to say we were not expecting our "pre-term labor" issues to be "full term" labor issues. I will be finding out Tuesday what my OB has to say about this new discovery. My last two ultrasound appointments have put Jayden at the max end of the scale for his length and the minimum end for his weight. The last ultrasound tech also questioned our date, but said he could just be a really long baby. We originally thought I was pregnant in December, but didn't test positive until January. I technically could be a good three to four weeks ahead of schedule.

If Jayden is big(which may or not be really big to us) we might consider an induction because his "due date" isn't until mid September. If he's at the point of gaining a pound a week, I would really like to try not to deliver an 11lb baby. I also don't want to end up having a c-section if he is big-so if he is close to 8-9lbs right now we might schedule an induction. If we find out he's not so big we will wait and see what happens. Either way, with him being fully engaged things could happen really quickly, or he might decide to stick it out as long as possible and come in September after all. Only God knows when he's coming at this point. We feel much better knowing that he's not as small as we thought he was. We are getting everything ready, and my shower is two weeks away. If he can hold off for at least two weeks, when the shower and Nana Teresa are here that would be preferable.

Whatever happens I can't wait to meet him. He's keeping me on my toes already and I know God has big plans for this little man. Thank you for all the sweet messages, prayers and cards. It has been so encouraging to hear your stories of God's faithfulness in similar situations.

Love,

Lyd and Jayden

Motherhood Is a Calling (And Where Your Children Rank)

Motherhood Is a Calling (And Where Your Children Rank)

27wks

It's amazing how much your body can change in just one week. Last week I was able to move around comfortably and bend down to get things, while this week I feel like I have a torpedo strapped to my stomach. It is constantly in the way and when I bend over to get something I feel like I am going to pop. Jayden's activity hasn't slowed down at all and with him getting bigger every week it feels different every week. This week he has had the hiccups every morning when I wake up. It makes me smile because now I can see my belly move with each hiccup. This precious baby is so much fun already.

Last night I was laying on the couch watching him hiccup and I called Carlos over to come feel him. As soon as Carlos put his hand on my stomach he stopped. When he took his hand off he started again. We have a little stinker on our hands : ) Tucker seems to know when Jayden has hiccups because every time he comes over and wants to kiss my belly. Tucker is also enjoying me laying down a little more because it means more snuggles for him, too. He is going to be one jealous little dog when Jayden is here.

I now have a wonderful crib, thanks to my great friend, Katie. Moving the crib into the apt. was so much fun. Every time I get something for Jayden my nesting instinct goes crazy and I can't stop smiling. Washing his baby clothes, crocheting some hats, a snugly blanket, etc. It all makes it harder to be patient.

Jayden has got me into a pretty predictable nighttime routine already. We go to bed around 10-11pm and every two to three hours he wakes me up for about an hour or longer. As tired as I am some mornings I'm kind of glad to ease into waking up so much during the night. Since I was about 16wks I haven't been sleeping through the night. I'm functioning just fine during the day with the exception of spraying my toothbrush with hairspray yesterday morning...but overall I'm not a zombie and I'm still feeling great. The heat is yet to be unbearable and I'm thankful for that. We're already into mid June and I was expecting to be a raging mad woman-but the pool has been my best friend and I am coping just fine. Some days the three flights of stairs are more daunting than others and if it's hot and I'm carrying anything up the stairs I feel like I might be dying-but getting to the top proves otherwise. Carlos has been my grocery boy and carries all the heavy stuff for me. He's a real keeper : ) I am not looking forward to carrying the baby/car seat up and down the stairs and not being able to get our stroller up and down easily, but we'll only have three months to deal with that before our lease is up.

Overall, I love being pregnant. When I was 5wks along and found out I was pregnant I thought 40 weeks seemed like an eternity. Now I'm just around the corner from 30wks and I feel like it's flown by. I think I'm going to miss it, but we are planning to have our kids somewhat close together so I shouldn't have to miss it for too long : )

The next two weekends Carlos and I are attending a natural childbirth class and I can't wait! Carlos has been great throughout this pregnancy and I look forward to watching him as a father. Jayden is a blessed little boy to have him for a dad.

Carlos picked out this little outfit for Jayden to wear when we visit Nana for Christmas in Texas. I love watching him pick things out for Jayden!



Love,

Lyd and Jayden

8lbs? Are you sure that wasn't 80?

Today was my 26wk OB appointment. I was excited to hear Jayden's heartbeat and report that everything was going smoothly. Aside from the normal aches and sleeping disturbances, I have been feeling wonderful! I really do love being pregnant. I can't believe how fast the last 6 months have gone. I expected almost 10 months of pregnancy to feel like an eternity. Granted, I still have the summer to endure the size of a whale, I am enjoying each day as it comes.

Today was encouraging on a different level, too. When my doctor told me that I had only gained 8lbs throughout the entire pregnancy I thought she was looking at the wrong chart. How can this belly my computer is currently resting on(haha) have only caused 8lbs of change?! I feel gigantic! She laughed and said she hears that all the time. She explained that I am one of the lucky body types that carry their babies all in front and not in back-lol. After we shared a few more laughs and stories she started to ask me about my concerns of body changes after pregnancy. Knowing that I had a severe hormonal reaction to my hormonal birth control and having had the chemical pregnancy so recently, she knows I felt out of place in my pre-pregnancy body. The way it was right before I got pregnant was not "normal" for me. Being almost 30lbs heavier than I was used to being and discovering I was pregnant was a lot to process. It's not about being 30lbs heavier, it's about feeling like I wasn't in my own body anymore. I understand changes come with babies-and babies will always be much more precious to me than my ideal body. I just want to have the energy and endurance to keep up with the precious babies in our future, and I want my future pregnancies to start in a happier, healthier body(me). She understands that I want to get back to my athletic/dancer body(or some form of it) and enjoy being much more active like I used to. I know hormones will be a tough opponent in the battle to regain "me" again after baby. For me there is not a goal number-there is a goal feeling. I don't care what a scale says-I never have. I care about how healthy I feel and how my body responds to the activities I love doing. I miss hour long intensive kickboxing classes that left me feeling like jelly and invincible at the same time, spin classes that make you sweat like you didn't know was possible for a human being, and the lengthening muscle burn from an amazing dance class. For now, I have been limited to walking, swimming and body resistance exercises. Knowing little Jayden can't handle anything else-these things are just fine with me. When he is safely here I will get back into the swing of more challenging and less boring activities :)

I look forward to the challenge when my body is ready, and am thankful for a supportive doctor and wonderful husband in the process.

Thanks for the prayers,

Lyd and Jayden

Something I really miss-hiking in Colorado. The altitude added to the challenge of taking on a big mountain; but I loved being surrounded by lush greenery, water and crisp, clean air. The view from the top always made me forget how hard the climb was.




Hidden Lake-such a peaceful place



Enjoying the cool spray of a beautiful waterfall







Nice to have someone climb with you-so you can share the view : )



A little sexy motivation to keep going-hahaha



It's straight uphill for miles



Almost to the top!



Feeling great after a challenging hike.

24 Weeks

I Am 24 Weeks Pregnant - This Is What My Baby Looks Like!
Not too long to go, this is now my last trimester of pregnancy and I can't wait! I've now been experiencing a lot of sleeping issues and if I have a long day I puff up pretty nicely. I've got my baby bump getting in the way of some things now and making it harder to just sit up in bed. The other night I told Carlos I felt like a whale and he quickly and kindly responded with, "but you don't look like a whale!" Haha-good man...


The following are the facts about my baby:

Your fetus weighs more than 1.3 pounds/ 600 grams. Though she still has little body fat and her skin is thin and fragile, she's now well-proportioned. Her brain is growing rapidly, and she is starting to fill the space in your uterus. From crown to heel she could measure 11.8 inches/ 30 centimeters. If you went into labor at this time, however, many obstetricians and midwives would make every effort to halt the progress of premature labor to enable your baby to continue maturing.

You may be noticing faint, red or brown streaks known as striae or stretch marks on your abdomen, hips and breasts. While creams won't erase them, wearing a supportive bra may help prevent or minimize them on your breasts. They are very common at this stage of the pregnancy -- about 90 per cent of women get them. After you've given birth, the reddish or brown pigmentation in the stretch marks gradually fades, and the streaks become lighter than the surrounding skin.
(I haven't had any at all yet-hoping that keeps up!).

Also, your eyes may be light-sensitive and may feel gritty and dry. This is a perfectly normal pregnancy symptom known as 'dry-eye'. To ease your discomfort, use an "artificial tears" solution to add moisture.
(I have been wearing my glasses more-my contacts hate my eyes).

Overall, I have been feeling great. I only have occasional bouts of random nausea-and it's usually if I get too hungry or smell something weird. I get tired a little more easily and move a little more slowly in general. My natural inclination to do everything at light speed has been a challenge. I have to force myself to take it easy and move at a slower pace so I don't exhaust myself. I've been relaxing in the afternoons with a book or baby magazines and teaching myself how to rest so when the baby is here it won't be such a shock to my system. I'm sure it will be easier to rest when I'm physically exhausted from all the sleeplessness and general lack of energy.

Jayden's closet is slowly collecting items and my nesting side loves it. We bought some cute little outdoor outfits to keep him cozy and warm as the cooler months approach and for when we make a trip to see Nana Teresa in December. I look forward to walking with him this fall and spending time together outside. I hope he loves being outside as much as his daddy and I do. Tucker loves exploring Jayden's new things and sniffing every article of clothing being hung up. I'm glad Jayden will have such a sweet dog to grow up with.

My next OB appointment is June 6th. Next week I have to go get my diabetes testing done. GROSS! I'm not looking forward to that one. I had only gained 2 lbs over the last month and my OB said Jayden is looking great. He's on the small side of the scale right now and really long but she thinks by this next appointment he will be a lot bigger because of all the changes that happen within this month. I'm hoping the diabetes test will go smoothly and I will get to see Jayden again soon : ) In the meantime, I am enjoying(most of the time) his constant little kicks, flips and reminders that he isn't slowing down in there.

Love to all,

Lyd and Jayden

Mother's Day

Haha-a kid jumped in behind us and the water was freezing!






This Mother's Day was obviously a little different for me personally, but today I want to talk about someone else : ) I hated being states away from my mom-but I'm grateful for all the years I lived and learned under her at home.

First of all, I want to thank my mumsie, Teresa Grady for being the most amazing example of a wife, mother and friend who loves God with all her heart. There is no doubt in my mind that my relationship with God and Carlos would be very different if she hadn't poured her life into me.

Now, I'm going to brag on her! I have learned so much from her example. She is the most selfless and humble person I know, and there is no doubt in my mind that her reward in heaven is great. She's never had the most spectacular house to call her own-but with what she was given she made our house a home. Our home has always been a safe place for our family and countless other people who have come through. Our home is filled with love and laughter, home cooked meals, people who need to be loved on and lots of coffee : ) She gives to people in need from what she doesn't always have to give, shows them how to love their families, and is a shoulder to cry on or a firm kick in the butt(depending on what is needed).

She has given countless hours of her time to teach my siblings and myself academically, spiritually and practically. There were tears shed, arguments, and hurt feelings, but more than that there were hugs, kisses, laughter(usually at someone's expense), fun outings, games, breakthroughs, victories small and large, compassion(usually after the laughing at someone's expense)lots of imparted wisdom and understanding. We have always known that we are loved, valued and blessed beyond what words can say.

When I left home to make my own I knew I was well prepared. Not only had she been an amazing spiritual mentor and guide, but she taught me how to diligently care for a household. I was taught how to feed my family, keep a peaceful, clean and organized house, be frugal with my money and generous with it, too. I knew how to sew and mend, do anything laundry related, decorate for special occasions on a budget and bless others who enter my home. She taught me that it's not about how big your house is or how much money you have in the bank-it's your family that is worth more than gold.

Having Jayden on the way has made me ever more grateful for the 23 years that she has poured into my life. I know that there are many more years of learning from her to come, and I hope to be the kind of mother she still is to me.

I love you more than I can tell you,

Lyd