Random Thoughts/Questions

Jayden's arrival
With only a month or so left before Jayden's big arrival I've had a lot on my mind. Everyone keeps asking if I'm ready, and honestly, yes. I am SO ready. I don't think I realized how ready I was until the scary little adventure a few weeks back. After that day and follow up appointments and procedures I was more ready than ever to have this little guy in my arms. I find it interesting that after caring for so many infants as a nanny for so many years, I find myself asking myself the most simple questions. What about this? How do I do that? How often should I...? I know the answers, but it's almost like I've never done it before. I know caring for my own child will be very different and I'm grateful to have my mother by my side those first few weeks after his arrival.

Speaking of my mumsie, I got a text an hour ago that they were about an hour past Amarillo, TX. Dad(as expected) made her get up before the sun to set out on their journey to come visit us. My baby shower is this weekend and they are coming to stay for a few days. I could not be more thrilled. I really need some family time and I'm so glad they get to share this happy day with me. My auntie who lives in Chandler is also coming up with my uncle, new baby cousin and her other two girls. I'm looking forward to spending all weekend with family. I've always loved and valued family, but moving away has made me treasure any time I get to be with them on a whole new level.

Nesting Mode
My nesting instinct has kicked into overdrive. One of my sweet friends at church came and picked up my changing table and crib to paint for me so I don't have to be out in the heat. That was such a sweet and practical blessing that I very much appreciate. We have the best church family! While waiting for the crib and changing table to be returned painted and ready to go, I have been taking everything out of the baby room that isn't baby related. I've moved book cases, a couch(that is now crammed into our living room-much to my disappointment, but it's a necessary move), misc. office supplies, files, etc. and have successfully found other homes for those things. The baby room is now able to hold all of Jayden's misc. items. My parents will be staying in there this week, and after Saturday's shower they might be drowning in there : ) I've had so much fun hanging out in that room, organizing it, packing Jayden's hospital bag, picking out his take home outfit, and overall playing with his little things. I've kicked deep cleaning up a notch and have gone through an entire box of Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. Those things are literally my favorite household cleaning item. Things that didn't really bother me about our apt. before are seriously annoying now. The biggest of which is the carpet. I HATE carpet. I hate cheap apt. carpet that never looks clean-even if it is. I'm trying to scrape together some money to get the carpets cleaned this next month. I hate the idea of my baby playing on the floor because I hate these carpets. If/when we ever buy a house, I will not have carpet in any of the living areas. *rant over*


Funny baby questions/comments



I will now share some funny baby questions/comments I've received over the last few weeks from our youth group kiddos:
"Does Jayden poop inside of you? Where does it go?"
"Does Jayden know if you're having sex?"
(We just finished a sex series with the HS kids-and it was by far one of the most entertaining/productive series we've ever done. Carlos and I taught it together and for kids who didn't grow up in church/families who know the Lord it was life changing for the kids. We all learned/laughed a lot) : )
"Are you afraid of having to get him out...uhh...that way...?"
"What if he has your giant eyes and Carlos' little head?"
"If you cut the umbilical cord too short will the baby keep bleeding?"
"Jayden is going to know who I am because I kiss your tummy and talk to him!"
"Can you accidentally poke him in the eye if you push on your tummy too hard?"
"My mom never even let me touch her while she was pregnant. It's sooo cool that you let us touch your stomach! It's like, you trust us."-That one almost made me cry.
*Boys touching pregnant stomach for first time*-"WOW!" "SO COOL!" "IT'S HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE!" *Jayden moves* 'I"M SO SORRY!" "DID WE HURT HIM?" "OH, NO! I MUST HAVE POKED HIM IN THE FACE!" Hahaha

This last month has been a real roller coaster of emotions. I know being 8months pregnant isn't exactly conducive to a steady hormone pattern, but a lot has been on my mind.
1) Remembering the day we lost our first baby.
I tried to keep myself busy July 28th, but I can't not think about that day. I will always wonder if that baby was a boy or girl and what they would be like if they hadn't left so soon. I wonder if I'll know the baby when I get to heaven. I wonder why God decided to take him/her before we got to meet him/her. I wonder if that was somehow God's grace in not allowing us to meet him/her. I think about future pregnancies. Will I lose another baby? How is God going to use this situation to bring Himself Glory? What else is He going to teach me about trusting Him and not fearing His plans? How do I respond when people ask me if this is my first? Is it wrong to say yes if I emotionally can't handle saying no at that moment? Is it wrong that I want to severely injure people who say, "at least the baby was still young? That makes it easier..."? I don't know the answers to these questions, but I know God's ways are higher than mine and He is trustworthy.

2)Not working.
~This has been really tough for me mentally and emotionally. For someone who likes to stay busy and interact with people, staying home is hard. I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom, and I still do, but knowing I could be working right now is hard to deal with. I know I'm not supposed to. I really feel like God has been working on me in the area of trusting him to provide for ALL my needs(even the ones I could easily take care of myself if I had a job)...and teaching me how to rest. I'm not good at resting. I can rest my body physically, but I never seem to rest mentally and spiritually. Since January that is something God has been helping me work on. Some days are easier than others, and overall I've come a long way. This last month we've had to start planning out next year's budget with a baby, and I know it would be so much easier on us if I had a job, but I know it's part of God stretching and teaching us. Carlos has never been the sole provider for our family, or the main income. I've always been the one to make the money, and it's been hard for me to switch gears and trust God through trusting Carlos-but it's such an important step for us. I know God will be faithful to provide for all of our NEEDS-He already has throughout this entire pregnancy. My challenge is distinguishing my "wants" from my "needs" and waiting for God's timing for our growing little family. Carlos and I have to make some big decisions in the next couple of months and we would appreciate your prayers for wisdom and guidance.

3)Silly things
~What if my water breaks in the middle of church? Do I flag Carlos off stage during worship? Haha
~How is Tucker going to respond to the baby? Will he be good like he is with all other kids?
~How am I going to carry a baby and all the things that come with babies up and down three flights of stairs?
~I'm the only soon to be mommy at church that is planning on breastfeeding and cloth diapering. Am I going to be the crazy white lady at church? Probably...that's ok...
~What are we going to do without family around a lot? Will our children be close to our family members? This one is really hard for me because I grew up so close to family.
~What is my contractions are too intense to get DOWN the three flights of stairs?
~Will Carlos be able to stay conscious through labor/delivery?
~I'm NOT going to tell the nurses in LD that I'm a Christian...I might not act like one.
~Will I be nice to Carlos during labor? When I'm in pain I usually get really quiet and keep to myself. I hope I don't snap on him. I'm praying for help with this already.
~What are some ways I can keep things special for Carlos when the baby comes? I don't want to be the mom that can't focus on anything but her baby and neglects her husband.
~If my boobs get any bigger will they explode?
~If my boobs get any bigger will they suffocate my baby? LOL-but seriously...this is unreal...
~How does your belly get this big without stretch marks? I'm not prepared to see this skin post baby.
~Is there another Free Willy being made right now? I think I could be a sub in.
~Will my hair ever be curly again?

I guess that's it for now...getting everything out helps me "rest" my mind, so bear with me. I should start getting things ready for my parent's arrival tomorrow. *Squeal!*

Love,

Lyd and baby J

34wks? Yes, no...maybe so?

It is truly humbling and comforting to know that regardless of what people say, think or do, God's plans remain the same. The last week of our lives has been full of twists and turns, but we take comfort in knowing God has never been out of control for even a second of it.

Last Tuesday I went to my OB for a routine appointment. I had been having some contractions, but didn't think anything of them because they were never too close together. They were intense, but not unbearable. I mentioned them to mu OB while she was checking Jayden's heartbeat and the look on her face concerned me. She told me Jayden's heartbeat was significantly lower than usual and his movements(or lack thereof) were concerning to her. Upon further examination, she discovered my cervix was under a lot of pressure and my contractions were more significant than I gave them credit for. According to my symptoms and the amount of pressure on my cervix I could start to dilate and she was surprised I hadn't started to already. She quickly rushed me over to the triage part of the labor and delivery unit to be monitored. My "routine" visit quickly because a little bit scary. I was two days away from the anniversary of losing our first little baby and was having an emotional week as it was. I was not prepared for a scary appointment. I kept praying over baby Jayden and asking God to give me strength to get through the day while trusting in Him and his plans.

The nurses in the labor and delivery unit were amazing! I've come to get to know several of them and they were quick to speak encouraging words, make me laugh and helped me relax through a stressful time. After an hour of monitoring not much had changed. Jayden's heartbeat was still fluctuating from really low to just below normal and my contractions were about the same. There wasn't much they could do so they sent me home and told me to take it easy for a few days until the appointment they scheduled for us with a cardiologist.

The cardiologist appointment was for me and Jayden. We were both monitored and given several different tests. There was an ultrasound done on our both of our hearts and they were normal. The ultrasound tech said the Dr. was running late and asked us if we wanted to see baby J while we were waiting. YES, we do! I haven't seen him for almost 13 weeks and thrilled to get another chance. The tech looked around and showed us all the features, but...his head. We couldn't see his head at all. His head was totally engaged and not visible. The tech asked how far along I was and I told him 33 weeks. He said, "Well, it really looks you might be a good three weeks further along than that." What? "He's a big baby and they don't generally stay in one position this early. He has also turned and come down fully into position. He's not likely going anywhere now. I suggest you consult your OB because of his size." Well, needless to say we were not expecting our "pre-term labor" issues to be "full term" labor issues. I will be finding out Tuesday what my OB has to say about this new discovery. My last two ultrasound appointments have put Jayden at the max end of the scale for his length and the minimum end for his weight. The last ultrasound tech also questioned our date, but said he could just be a really long baby. We originally thought I was pregnant in December, but didn't test positive until January. I technically could be a good three to four weeks ahead of schedule.

If Jayden is big(which may or not be really big to us) we might consider an induction because his "due date" isn't until mid September. If he's at the point of gaining a pound a week, I would really like to try not to deliver an 11lb baby. I also don't want to end up having a c-section if he is big-so if he is close to 8-9lbs right now we might schedule an induction. If we find out he's not so big we will wait and see what happens. Either way, with him being fully engaged things could happen really quickly, or he might decide to stick it out as long as possible and come in September after all. Only God knows when he's coming at this point. We feel much better knowing that he's not as small as we thought he was. We are getting everything ready, and my shower is two weeks away. If he can hold off for at least two weeks, when the shower and Nana Teresa are here that would be preferable.

Whatever happens I can't wait to meet him. He's keeping me on my toes already and I know God has big plans for this little man. Thank you for all the sweet messages, prayers and cards. It has been so encouraging to hear your stories of God's faithfulness in similar situations.

Love,

Lyd and Jayden