Random Thoughts/Questions

Jayden's arrival
With only a month or so left before Jayden's big arrival I've had a lot on my mind. Everyone keeps asking if I'm ready, and honestly, yes. I am SO ready. I don't think I realized how ready I was until the scary little adventure a few weeks back. After that day and follow up appointments and procedures I was more ready than ever to have this little guy in my arms. I find it interesting that after caring for so many infants as a nanny for so many years, I find myself asking myself the most simple questions. What about this? How do I do that? How often should I...? I know the answers, but it's almost like I've never done it before. I know caring for my own child will be very different and I'm grateful to have my mother by my side those first few weeks after his arrival.

Speaking of my mumsie, I got a text an hour ago that they were about an hour past Amarillo, TX. Dad(as expected) made her get up before the sun to set out on their journey to come visit us. My baby shower is this weekend and they are coming to stay for a few days. I could not be more thrilled. I really need some family time and I'm so glad they get to share this happy day with me. My auntie who lives in Chandler is also coming up with my uncle, new baby cousin and her other two girls. I'm looking forward to spending all weekend with family. I've always loved and valued family, but moving away has made me treasure any time I get to be with them on a whole new level.

Nesting Mode
My nesting instinct has kicked into overdrive. One of my sweet friends at church came and picked up my changing table and crib to paint for me so I don't have to be out in the heat. That was such a sweet and practical blessing that I very much appreciate. We have the best church family! While waiting for the crib and changing table to be returned painted and ready to go, I have been taking everything out of the baby room that isn't baby related. I've moved book cases, a couch(that is now crammed into our living room-much to my disappointment, but it's a necessary move), misc. office supplies, files, etc. and have successfully found other homes for those things. The baby room is now able to hold all of Jayden's misc. items. My parents will be staying in there this week, and after Saturday's shower they might be drowning in there : ) I've had so much fun hanging out in that room, organizing it, packing Jayden's hospital bag, picking out his take home outfit, and overall playing with his little things. I've kicked deep cleaning up a notch and have gone through an entire box of Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. Those things are literally my favorite household cleaning item. Things that didn't really bother me about our apt. before are seriously annoying now. The biggest of which is the carpet. I HATE carpet. I hate cheap apt. carpet that never looks clean-even if it is. I'm trying to scrape together some money to get the carpets cleaned this next month. I hate the idea of my baby playing on the floor because I hate these carpets. If/when we ever buy a house, I will not have carpet in any of the living areas. *rant over*


Funny baby questions/comments



I will now share some funny baby questions/comments I've received over the last few weeks from our youth group kiddos:
"Does Jayden poop inside of you? Where does it go?"
"Does Jayden know if you're having sex?"
(We just finished a sex series with the HS kids-and it was by far one of the most entertaining/productive series we've ever done. Carlos and I taught it together and for kids who didn't grow up in church/families who know the Lord it was life changing for the kids. We all learned/laughed a lot) : )
"Are you afraid of having to get him out...uhh...that way...?"
"What if he has your giant eyes and Carlos' little head?"
"If you cut the umbilical cord too short will the baby keep bleeding?"
"Jayden is going to know who I am because I kiss your tummy and talk to him!"
"Can you accidentally poke him in the eye if you push on your tummy too hard?"
"My mom never even let me touch her while she was pregnant. It's sooo cool that you let us touch your stomach! It's like, you trust us."-That one almost made me cry.
*Boys touching pregnant stomach for first time*-"WOW!" "SO COOL!" "IT'S HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE!" *Jayden moves* 'I"M SO SORRY!" "DID WE HURT HIM?" "OH, NO! I MUST HAVE POKED HIM IN THE FACE!" Hahaha

This last month has been a real roller coaster of emotions. I know being 8months pregnant isn't exactly conducive to a steady hormone pattern, but a lot has been on my mind.
1) Remembering the day we lost our first baby.
I tried to keep myself busy July 28th, but I can't not think about that day. I will always wonder if that baby was a boy or girl and what they would be like if they hadn't left so soon. I wonder if I'll know the baby when I get to heaven. I wonder why God decided to take him/her before we got to meet him/her. I wonder if that was somehow God's grace in not allowing us to meet him/her. I think about future pregnancies. Will I lose another baby? How is God going to use this situation to bring Himself Glory? What else is He going to teach me about trusting Him and not fearing His plans? How do I respond when people ask me if this is my first? Is it wrong to say yes if I emotionally can't handle saying no at that moment? Is it wrong that I want to severely injure people who say, "at least the baby was still young? That makes it easier..."? I don't know the answers to these questions, but I know God's ways are higher than mine and He is trustworthy.

2)Not working.
~This has been really tough for me mentally and emotionally. For someone who likes to stay busy and interact with people, staying home is hard. I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom, and I still do, but knowing I could be working right now is hard to deal with. I know I'm not supposed to. I really feel like God has been working on me in the area of trusting him to provide for ALL my needs(even the ones I could easily take care of myself if I had a job)...and teaching me how to rest. I'm not good at resting. I can rest my body physically, but I never seem to rest mentally and spiritually. Since January that is something God has been helping me work on. Some days are easier than others, and overall I've come a long way. This last month we've had to start planning out next year's budget with a baby, and I know it would be so much easier on us if I had a job, but I know it's part of God stretching and teaching us. Carlos has never been the sole provider for our family, or the main income. I've always been the one to make the money, and it's been hard for me to switch gears and trust God through trusting Carlos-but it's such an important step for us. I know God will be faithful to provide for all of our NEEDS-He already has throughout this entire pregnancy. My challenge is distinguishing my "wants" from my "needs" and waiting for God's timing for our growing little family. Carlos and I have to make some big decisions in the next couple of months and we would appreciate your prayers for wisdom and guidance.

3)Silly things
~What if my water breaks in the middle of church? Do I flag Carlos off stage during worship? Haha
~How is Tucker going to respond to the baby? Will he be good like he is with all other kids?
~How am I going to carry a baby and all the things that come with babies up and down three flights of stairs?
~I'm the only soon to be mommy at church that is planning on breastfeeding and cloth diapering. Am I going to be the crazy white lady at church? Probably...that's ok...
~What are we going to do without family around a lot? Will our children be close to our family members? This one is really hard for me because I grew up so close to family.
~What is my contractions are too intense to get DOWN the three flights of stairs?
~Will Carlos be able to stay conscious through labor/delivery?
~I'm NOT going to tell the nurses in LD that I'm a Christian...I might not act like one.
~Will I be nice to Carlos during labor? When I'm in pain I usually get really quiet and keep to myself. I hope I don't snap on him. I'm praying for help with this already.
~What are some ways I can keep things special for Carlos when the baby comes? I don't want to be the mom that can't focus on anything but her baby and neglects her husband.
~If my boobs get any bigger will they explode?
~If my boobs get any bigger will they suffocate my baby? LOL-but seriously...this is unreal...
~How does your belly get this big without stretch marks? I'm not prepared to see this skin post baby.
~Is there another Free Willy being made right now? I think I could be a sub in.
~Will my hair ever be curly again?

I guess that's it for now...getting everything out helps me "rest" my mind, so bear with me. I should start getting things ready for my parent's arrival tomorrow. *Squeal!*

Love,

Lyd and baby J